cactus

the offensiveness of giving lesbians cacti (cactuses?sp) is obvious for numerous reasons (i.e. references to the dry and cactusey lesbian vagina, cacti represent the barren lesbian womb, needles are painful much like lesbian spite, everyone hates cactuses..., etc.) but this cactus just brings the offensiveness to a whole new level. a level no lesbian needs to be subjected to. please never give this cactus to a lesbian. it is very offensive.

however...if you did decide against all common sense to give this cactus to a lesbian (perhaps you thought it was so offensive it was satarically funny...it isnt) and you were like "hey lesbian i got you this cactus" you may in fact hear one of the following quips in response.

if she is an angry man-hating lesbian, you will hear this: "WHAT THE FUCK!!!! WHY DO YOU OFFEND ME AND THE GODDESS WITH A GIFT OF CACTUSEY PHALLIC OFFENSIVENESS!!! OFFENSIVE OFFENSIVE GAIA HELP ME CURSE THIS CACTUS PENIS AND CASTRATE IT TO DIE A CLEANSING DEATH AIIIIIAIAIAIIIIIII!!!!!!"

if she is a gentile lesbian, you may hear this: "ummm thank you....for this" *sounds of cactus being thrown out window*

if she is a jewish yiddish lesbian, you will most likely hear this: "feh! what is this chutzpah! i dont mean to kvetsh, but i would rather have got bupkes than this schlock! what do you think I am? im svetszing now! Look what you do to me!!"

if she is an angry black ebonic (African American Vernacular) lesbian, you might hear this: " Yo be jokin wit dis?!! don fuck wit me!"

if she is a hispania latina lesbian, you will hear this: "odios mio, que es...!?!?!? porque!!!!!!! pooooooorrrrrrrrquue!?!?!?!

if she is an old trucker bull dyke, you might hear this: "haha *snort hey thanks man, this is almost the size of my huge cock!!!! *snort fhalahaha aint it the truth! i like you sonny, why don't we go behind this (random dark rest area) building for a few. i need a cig"

most other non stereotypical lesbians not mentioned beforehand will most likely just not say anything and then proceed to silently passively aggressively judge and hate you.

so please think before you gift. do not give lesbians offensive lesbian gifts.